Major vaccine producer to stop producing the MMR vaccine

A major pharmacutical company just announced today they would stop producing the MMR vaccine. They cite the backlash of anti-vaccine groups as the reason. The president of the company, in a public statement said that it was just too hard to compete with hollywood, the internet, and poor medical research and the company’s bottom line had taken a hit. He further went on to say, “that because of the negative backlash that he was actually afraid for his life. The guerrilla techniques of these special interest groups had caused the company to lose over $2million in inventory over the last FY. We were just trying to create a product that would save children from a horrible affliction based on medical evidence. I guess we were wrong. Thankfully these groups are out here protecting the youth of the world” He even questioned the validity of the immunization. When asked if the reason for the recent outbreaks of measles in the U.S. was a direct result of parents not vaccinating their kids, he responded, “well, that’s your opinion, dude. I’m going to take the opinion of my wife’s third cousin, twice removed aunt who read an article on the internet that said vaccinations didn’t protect kids and actully caused more harm.” When asked for the source, he looked dumbfounded, started waving his hands around, and changed the topic.

In a show of support, many celebrities, tv “doctors/scientists”, and professional medical advice googlers lined the stage as the president made his statement. Interestingly none of the supporters were actual medical professionals, researchers, or health-care providers. The lone dissenter in the crowd was a scientist who had been studying and improving the vaccine for decades. He yelled out this was a mistake to which the president responded by putting his fingers in his ears and yelling I can’t hear you. Security removed the man before the crowd turned on him and beat him for being close minded and “un-educated” in scientific matters.

On a side note, most of this story is made up. Thanks for playing along today.

However, on a more serious note, vaccinate your kids. Preventable diseases are occuring in the world. Protect your kids by getting them vaccinated. There’s a lot of stuff in the world that can hurt them, a preventable disease shouldn’t be one of them.

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